How Can I Keep From Shouting?

The following was originally posted on October 14 as a Note on my personal Facebook page (www.facebook.com/brentvernonmusic).

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I need to be in bed.  It’s been a full day today — office work, travel, concert, more travel….  Tomorrow will be another extremely full day, then another concert on Friday in Stoystown, PA which is near the 9/11 Memorial.  Looking forward to seeing that.

I suppose this is a feeble attempt at a testimony.  But my experience has been anything but feeble.  Within the last two or three months, there has been a deep change in my heart.  I keep wanting to talk about it here on Facebook, but I struggle to articulate it.  I don’t want to sound trite.  There have been seasons of growth before.  There have been helpful insights.  But this is different.  Markedly so.  And how do you Tweet about a soul revolution?

Through prayer, study, and a series of circumstances, I have finally come to a place - the place - of complete dependence and (as much as I know how) surrender to God.  I have often spoken, written, and sung about the importance of obedience to the voice of the Lord, but even as the words were spoken, there was usually some kind of contingency in the back of my mind…  A stipulation that I did not want to admit to myself.  And that was a big problem.

A few mornings ago, I read the passage in 2 Samuel about how God was angered by King David’s census… “replacing trust with statistics” (2 Samuel 24:11).  It hit me again.  God hasn’t been frightened by my honest questions, but in order for Him to work in my life, I needed to dive in.  Wholly.  Otherwise, I would be awkwardly and unsustainably situated in a place of duplicity, speaking and writing the Truth while living a few shades away from it.

I simply do not have the time to tell you the whole story.  But it’s a Good one.  I chose to give God everything… my fears, my “need” for affirmation, my time, my faith, my talents, my future, etc.  I have been taking time with Him.  Regularly.  Enjoying beautiful moments with my Creator.  I have been worshipping Him and trusting Him to take care of me, to provide, to open the right doors, to bring me in contact with those who I might be able to help somehow, to work out His plan through me.

There are still things that tug on me.  Naturally.  But I’m not bound by the worry, weakness, fear, and self-consciousness that use to dog me.

My life focus is no longer on me, but on Him… and my forever with Him.

I wish I could convey my joy in all of this.  There is so much more to say, but not enough time right now.

Revelation 12:11 (MSG) - “They defeated him (the Accuser/Satan) through the blood of the Lamb and the bold word of their witness.  They weren’t in love with themselves; they were willing to die for Christ.”

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